“I’m never gonna dance again the way I danced with you” – Wham!

“Those’ll come in handy for more than just eating” he cackled as I hand-picked zucchini at the farmer’s market last month. Dirty Old Man Bill was my nickname for him. He liked the Dirty Dancing moves, the slow seductive backbend into an upside down dip or the way he would grab my hips and show off for an audience “Shake it! You’re so bad! They’re eating it up!”  He was not only a phenomenal dancer and dance partner but my mentor, confidant and rock, especially when I was sick. But he was the one who was sick and I never knew. It wasn’t that I never asked how he was feeling, he just chose to shrug and not give his own problems the time of day. No one should wake up and learn from social media that a loved one has died but that’s how it goes these days. I called his phone, hoping it was a nasty prank or belated April Fools joke but his phone was off. He was a bachelor, no children, plenty of friends. Those friends now pouring out shocked sympathy onto a Facebook page of a man who would never read them. Sudden, unexpected, they remarked. But scroll to a post Sunday night from a clairvoyant friend of his who posted a eulogy on his board, thanking him for his friendship and “May the angels be with you on your journey”. And he REPLIED “Thank you”. Ten hours later, that same clairvoyant posted that he had passed. To the skeptic, it reeks of assisted suicide except that Bill was a devout Buddhist so that makes it unlikely. And it was a clairvoyant who apparently “saw it coming” hours prior. Part of me is stunned that he never hinted to me about this — we were close. When someone is facing death as a decision, they will tell as few people as possible and only those who need to know to support and facilitate that decision. So he didn’t tell me. But if it wasn’s some form of suicide, he still saw it coming and didn’t invite me over to say goodbye or stand watch with his Spirit Guides. Maybe he knew I wasn’t strong enough. But we talked several times a week and danced as recently as a few days ago. He was a paragon of physical, emotional and spiritual health. At 67, his stamina put me to shame and he was one of only two men I trusted to support my body weight on the dancefloor. At no point did he ever appear ill or even troubled but he knew about holistic cancer treatment and in hindsight, I wonder if that was a clue. And now I’m hoping to hear from his best friend, who I sent my phone number to via social media, to find out if there will be a memorial service. But knowing DOMB, he might have opted for cremation with his ashes to be sprinkled over Katmandu or shot into outer space… no “fussy” service at all. The day he died, or chose to die, he made a funny, typical comment on a photo of me at a Walk Off the Earth concert. He was a Force For Good and I often told him that. So Bill, I hope you know how much I appreciated your positivity and guidance. You leave behind an unfillable hole. I am heartbroken and untethered…

Love,

Your “Dance Goddess”

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