Sweet like justice, karma is a queen -Taylor Swift

Maybe it’s too soon to let my internal dialogue speak. But if Taylor swift can get away with it (but how long has Taylor Swift been single?) Do I need to act goofier and sing “What what? In the butt!” and pretend I love all kids to include the disrespectful psychopaths in training that cuss out their teachers and beat small animals to death. So you’re a breeder? Congratulations.

I had a promising second date with a guy that I had a lot of quirks in common with. He was also assertive and gentlemanly in all the right ways. Decent kisser and yes, against my intentional pile of clothes on the bed because I had no intention sleeping with him on a 2nd date, there’s something about going 8 mos without sex that makes me ask “Why?” Why do I still hold onto this outdated, inherited standard of righteousness? I’m a 46 year old divorcee who doesn’t connect quickly or often so why am I acting like I’m still saving myself for my next marriage?

But he’s a breeder and reacted oddly (or maybe normally) to my inner turned outter voice remark when kids were still screaming like wild animals In the street after 10 o’clock at night when I have to be up For work 4 AM. Yes I am a fuddy duddy Chronically cranky from lack of sleep And want to spank them and Tell them to send their parents To come find me. So maybe no 3rd date now.

Speaking of, my bf S is engaged. 10nyears after his divorce and two long term “not quite right” girlfriends, he’s chosen well. She’s agreeable to the point that feels a bit Stepford but no red flags and she’s ‘wife material ‘ as he puts it. That may not sound sexy or flattering but I understand what he means and agree they are good together. Unless she experiences a freak accident causing brain damage that drastically alters her personality, this will be the.one he grows old with.

Which means I’m one step over to becoming Dorothy Parker and dying alone in a nursing home.

I impassively watch couples holding hands crossing the street and wonder, when was the last time someone held my hand on a date? Has anyone ever held my? I don’t believe anyone ever has.The only thing that came close that I can recall was C Who would rest his hand on the small of my back, possessive and protective. .I liked it.I think probably more than I would like someone holding my hand captive while our palms sweat against each other. Holding me captive while other parts of our bodies sweat against each other is a different matter.


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