“Is it love or oxytocin?”

Another writer once asked that question and my apologies for my poor memory being unable to give proper credit there.
I wonder that myself. As orgasms release that powerful chemical in our body, and teaches us to associate this brief euphoria with the one we desire. So even solo sex in which we are visualizing the partner of our dreams, we are binding ourselves chemically, psychologically to that person with every rush.
And I had sex with myself a LOT today and used him.
I try not to use certain men, the ones I don’t have a shot with either due to their lack of interest or my firm resolve not to engage in sex with a man who wants me only to the extent that he wouldn’t “kick me out of bed”.  Obviously, this limits my options for fodder.
But today, my brain only wanted to get off on him so I let it “just this once”. And it was amazing  (in my mind). My imagination conjured up such a perfect scenario where he says “I love you” and I respond “But?” to which he insists “No buts” as the distance quickly closes, his hands in my hair, lips on mine, clothes flying…
and that was another rule I broke: The “L” word. Don’t think it. Keep it kinky, primal, pornographic even but don’t invite Heart to the orgy.
So I orgasmed HARD, repeatedly. Like, soaked my panties orgasm. But when I opened my eyes, I mouthed “I love you too” to no one.

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