“Big, big booty, what you gotta big booty” – J. Lo & Iggy

A little Brain tumor humor. Battling for 13 years now. Pituitary first, now the parathyroid also. Id never even heard of the parathyroid. Over the years, i rarely bring it up except for the rare joke about how it just sounds so dramatic to say i have a brain tumor. And also because it’s hard to explain to someone not in the medical profession. The weight gain, the chronic exhaustion, the depression, infertility, fibromyalgia  (which some doctors still don’t believe is “real”. Yeah, and the world is flat).

Sometimes I wish I could just tell everyone what is going on so that they arent left wondering “What happened to her?” Like I assume the dancers in my ballet class do. But there I
go, assuming. Don’t assume, and try not to judge. That’s why there are MRIs, right? Because you can’t tell something is wrong just by looking at someone.  Being in this position makes me more sympathetic; I err on the side of compassion.

But I can’t “just work out harder” and diet or eat pills and be “fixed”. Like the time some guy got mad at my brother and when i explained that he was autistic, his ignorant response was “Then you should get him some help”. Sure, and once that’s done, maybe you can tell an amputee to just regrow his limb. Jackass.  Doctors say strenuous exercise  can actually make it worse! But that feels like surrender. So maybe Im making it worse by exercising harder. And I won’t give up dancing. I am refusing to let my body take that joy from me.
But when symptoms resurge, my body is like a breaker panel that just got fried. So much is malfunctioning thats its a list worthy of a hypochondriac. And for two And for two years prior to my diagnosis, some doctors had me thinking that I was. 
The worst part is not being in control of my own body. That and the thought that I may never have children.

I know I’m not alone.
I know you’re out there too.