Now

At this very moment…3:31a.m. Eastern time, I am in a place where I cannot imagine living another day. It was not a bad night. Swing dancing for the the third New Years Eve in a row. I was with friends, family. I looked good. Better than I have in a decade.  I even chatted with him, my married boyfriend, who spent the night alone doing laundry and humored me by not wearing a shirt. He tells me im incredible.  What he doesnt say (except for the one time he was drunk) is that he loves me and wants a future with me. I drop the “L” bomb on him all the time.
As I did tonight. I miss you. I love you so much, I ache. I miss you too,  he replies. Happy new year, he says. We’ll see, I return.
Then I hang up and break down.
Im tired.
So tired.

Advertisements